A couple days ago I posted the first part of this series. If you haven't read it yet go here.
I've really enjoyed hearing from you about how you handle drop-in company, and also hearing that a lot of you have had experience with drop-in company at very inconvenient times.
Our lives are very busy right now. I home school our two boys, and we are foster parents to two younger boys. My husband drives truck during the "non-snow" months and as a result is gone for some very long hours during the summer. All of these things make the "hermit" in me want to hunker down in the winter, lock my doors and refuse to answer my phone.
However, this brings me to an important point about having visitors in my home. Most of the time when I do have company I am the one who ends up feeling blessed by it, and the more I think about it isn't that really the point?
Having people into your home shouldn't be about impressing them with our beautiful home, or our astounding cooking skills. It's about fellowship.
People need each other. I personally am a better person because of the people in my life. They encourage me, build me up, and spur me on to try harder.
Which brings me to my second point.
I've really enjoyed hearing from you about how you handle drop-in company, and also hearing that a lot of you have had experience with drop-in company at very inconvenient times.
Our lives are very busy right now. I home school our two boys, and we are foster parents to two younger boys. My husband drives truck during the "non-snow" months and as a result is gone for some very long hours during the summer. All of these things make the "hermit" in me want to hunker down in the winter, lock my doors and refuse to answer my phone.
However, this brings me to an important point about having visitors in my home. Most of the time when I do have company I am the one who ends up feeling blessed by it, and the more I think about it isn't that really the point?
Having people into your home shouldn't be about impressing them with our beautiful home, or our astounding cooking skills. It's about fellowship.
People need each other. I personally am a better person because of the people in my life. They encourage me, build me up, and spur me on to try harder.
Which brings me to my second point.
~~~~~~
Fellowship is the Reason To Have Company
~~~~~~
~~~~~~
Based on the title of this series you might assume that I set some kind of goal or challenge for myself regarding having people in my home. I have!
Every week I am trying to do one hospitable activity. Whether it is having company over for a meal or coffee, or just taking a busy mom a frozen meal. This is a good challenge for me because it keeps me from slipping into the habit of thinking that I don't have time.
Finally, there is one aspect of having company that I haven't addressed, but got some comments about last time.
~~~~~~
There are seasons in our lives when having company in our home is not possible.
~~~~~~
Right after we got our two little foster boys I struggled to make it through each day, and having company over for a meal would have thrown me completely over the edge.
I don't think there is anything wrong with saying "no" if someone wants to come visit. Our family should come first, and there is a polite way to decline.
The reason for writing this article stemmed from some drop-in company that we had, and while I'm not advocating stopping in at someone's home without calling it does happen once in a while.
The way that I've decided to handle this particular situation is to just keep doing what I was doing and visit while I work. For example, if I'm folding a load of clothes I can chat while I do that. Maybe some would consider this rude, but I simply view it as them stopping while I'm "on the clock" and I can talk and work at the same time.
One final thought, if you are struggling to feel calm and collected about having company in your home the best way to combat that is "practice." I've noticed the more often I have company--the easier it gets.
aah when you write Rebecca sometimes is like I would write almost the dame (lol) I undesrtand you so much:)
ReplyDeleteHave a nice day dear!!
I love your idea of doing something for others every week. It blesses you and them!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I don't do something weekly, I try to remember to take extra cookies to a neighbor, send an email telling someone that I'm praying for them, or gather up extra garden lettuce and wash it up, bag it, and take it to someone who doesn't have a garden. They are just little things, but it is practicing hospitality and love.
I like your idea of visiting with a pop in guest by continuing your day. Afterall, part of the frustration comes from the visit putting you behind and throwing off your routine. That way you get to do both!
oh...and I don't answer my phone if it is not convenient for me. They can leave a message! ha. I don't in any way feel obligated to run to it while it's ringing. If it's school or someone I want to talk to, I'll pick up after I hear who it is. But I usually let them leave a message.
ReplyDeleteGloria, Thank you!! That's my reason for writing--is hoping that I connect with someone that way. You have a good day too!!
ReplyDeleteBetsy, It's taken me a long time to get to that point--of not running to the phone, but I do that too. I decided I don't feel offended when someone else screens their calls so why can't I do it too. :)
ReplyDeleteYes, that is so true! I had a family member who would call and say very unkind things and some calls would go on for over an hour. They were upsetting and at that time, a couple of years ago, I started screening my calls instead of picking it up automatically.
ReplyDeleteOnce I started doing that, I realized how many calls are not worth running to the phone for...sales, surveys, election candidates, etc. Crazy! So, I never stopped the screening.
I think we forget that the phone is there for our convenience...and we should treat it just like that.
Not to mention...I used to waste a lot of time gabbing on the phone! Now I guess I blog. lol...
Betsy,
ReplyDeleteSometimes a phone call that just drags you down is NOT worth it! We get calls for our business, and I have a rule of thumb that I don't answer the phone before noon--unless it's someone REALLY important. :)
Exactly...that kind of leads into another topic of toxic people and friendships. Another biggy. ha.
ReplyDeleteI have to bake cookies for an order next week and you've inspired me to bake extra and take them to someone. :) Older lady across the street...ill husband...and she's depressed and lonely. She's the perfect person. :)
Betsy, Funny thing is WHY do we hang on to relationships like that sometimes? Or is that just me.
ReplyDeleteGood for you with the cookies--I've seen pictures of your cookies--they look awesome--that will make the little old lady's day!!!
I don't think your continuing with your chores would be rude. If the person is a good enough friend to drop in without calling, they are a good enough friend to pitch in with folding that laundry or drying those dishes. :)
ReplyDeleteAmyLK
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately these aren't always good friends. Sometimes they are just aquaintances that have trouble with bounderies. ;)
Why do we hang on to them? I don't know! I had to let go of my best friend one time like this. It was wonderful for 5 years and then for 2 years it was terrible. It took me that long to realize it was unhealthy and actually end it. I also had to let some family members go, too. I think we tend to put ourselves last a lot of the time. We feel it's unkind to stand up for ourselves, which is crazy. ha.
ReplyDeleteBetsy,
ReplyDeleteGoes against our "proper" upbringing. :)
I think a true healthy friendship goes both ways, and should have a lot of give and take. You don't necessarily have to agree on everything, but at least respect the other person's opinions, and preferences. :)
Exactly. And by toxic I don't just mean there are little disagreements. I'm talking more about a very unhealthy possessive types of things, controlling, unforgiving, dishonest, stressful problems that can't be resolved after lots of effort.
ReplyDeleteFortunately, most friendships are much more positive than that! ha. And I've also found that if I really turn the whole thing over to God and ask for help in handling those type of things, when I do feel it's best to end a relationship like that, God fills that empty space with someone better. :)
Betsy,
ReplyDeleteGood point--about God opening a door for someone new.
How did we get on such a serious subject? Oh well, I enjoyed the chat. :)
Rebecca, i so enjoyed your post! & the conversation with Betsy :-) first of all, would i have 4 boys i don't think i would be able to open the door never ... lol ... i think that it's absolutely ok to fold your clothes/iron etc. when you have an unexpected visit ... you have large family you need to do these things, you cannot do it at night bc you do need that rest ... and me too, i check who is calling first, sometimes, i admit i don't even check bc the moment is just not suitable for me to pick whoever that may be ... actually the technology of nowadays when we see who is calling is great it really does help :-) i loved what Betsy said about praying for others or doing other friendly things ... and to make my long comment even longer :-) you just said it so well Rebecca, the visit is about the fellowship not showing of your place or yourself and people who do not understand that & who come for the 'observation' are not worse to be 1.friends 2.neither are worse to bother because of them in the first place ... :-)
ReplyDelete*i have spoken* ... lol ... just kidding but this beats my longest comment i once left for Betsy ... :-)
Birdie, Thanks so much for your thoughts--I don't mind if your comment is long. :)
ReplyDeletelove your comment, Birdie...you said it very well yourself! :)
ReplyDeletethank you girls! i love this chatting with both of you, pity there is the time difference between my place and yours ... but i try to join in whenever i can :-)
ReplyDeleteI usually just keep on with what I'm doing, if it's something that I can chat while I work, at least till I finish it. The house usually looks quite "lived-in", but I've had to consciously forget about that and accept that with six children (five boys) in one not-so-large-house it won't look perfect. If someone drops in, they have to accept what they find!
ReplyDelete