Friday, May 25, 2012

To Do It Well

When we first started our foster parenting journey I had some preconcieved notions of how things worked. 

I had observed other foster parents who seemed to parent these little ones effortlessly, and I wanted desperately for our home to be a safe and happy place for those who came there.

I never wanted to have a "us" and "them" mentality.  I wanted our family to be one unit that flowed seemlessly from foster children to adopted children.

I've worked hard at this, and for the most part it has been a sucess.

In the past several weeks though--I've come to a realization.

There has to be a solid and healthy "us" for us to take care of and minister to "them."

My children need to be secure in the awareness that foster children may come and go, but they will always stay.

Because of this there are things that I need to do for my children that I might not be able to do for the foster children in our home.

There are words that I can't say to my foster babies--words like forever or always.

This in no way means that I show favoritism to "my children" by buying them special things, or toys, or letting them get away with disobedience or wrong behaivior.

I'm really talking more about the emotional side of our relationship.

I know that there are a few foster mom's that read my blog, and I would like to hear how you handle this.


  1. Yes, I see your point! I'm sure you did this..or do this...but I think before the foster kids come into your home, you make sure the adopted ones know they are there forever and the foster ones may not be. I would think they need to know that as a family, you can love and minister to the foster kids for as long as they are there. Emphasizing their 'forever' status and making sure they feel secure would be very important, I'm sure. And if they feel like they are part of the team, then I'm sure that helps. I'm sure it's a bit lonely when the foster ones leave! Bittersweet, too.

    off topic, though..have a Q for you. The line under your "posted by Rebecca at 6;58 AM" with the blogger, facebook and twitter links. How do you get that on your posts? I've tried everything! Do you know? Thanks, dear. :)

    1. Thanks for the encouragment! In answer to your question--I'm not sure. I think I accidently did it, and I can't remember or figure out how. If I figure it out I'll let you know. :)

    2. I have a blogger blog, and have figured that out. :) Here's how to do it: Go to Overview, and click on Layout (on the left, third to bottom tab). You'll see a box called "Blog Posts", click edit in the bottom right. Scroll down, and you'll see "Show Share Buttons". Make sure the box is checked, and click "Save". Should be all you have to do! Quick and easy!

      God Bless!

    3. thank you SO much, Esther...I would have never figured that out! :)

  2. Life lessons are hard. No matter what age you are. I like to think that my "forever" children were changed/stretched and had an impact on the ones the came and went.

    "In our family" is somewhat of our mantra. Whatever that looks like TODAY.

    The realities are difficult but the rewards are eternal.

  3. Oh dear I understand you when the twins wete littles I alwsys afraid to talk about adoption because I have the idea they alwsys feel good not different but the twins talked about this in natural talk so I learned dont be afraid this.
    Not always is easy but I think.God support and help us especially in the wonderful work you make.Blessings

  4. I hear you. We adopted all of our children from foster care at the same time. Four years later, they still struggle with the idea of always and forever. For example, my son badgered me all morning because he wanted to be the one to pack his schoolbooks into a box for shipping back to his school. We had other things to do first, and when I was finally able to tell him to go pack up his stuff, he burst into tears, thinking that I was telling him to pack up his belongings because he was moving. After eleven families, he just can't seem to hold onto the idea that this is truly his last stop. He's home.

    We don't foster, in large part because our kids have such a hard time believing that they are not going anywhere. Seeing other kids come and go would be an ongoing trigger for them. My children are too emotionally disabled to be able to deal with that without retraumatizing them.

    I'm glad that you are able to do that and understand the need to ensure that your permanent children fully feel that they are in no danger of being moved and are, in fact, members of your permanent family.


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